


Maybe I'll Hold My Breath and Jump Right In

by runawaynun



Category: The Expanse (TV)
Genre: F/F, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:55:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26005282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runawaynun/pseuds/runawaynun
Summary: In the aftermath of the election, Chrisjen visits Bobbie on Mars and has a request.
Relationships: Chrisjen Avasarala/Bobbie Draper
Comments: 14
Kudos: 60





	Maybe I'll Hold My Breath and Jump Right In

**Author's Note:**

  * For [surena_13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/surena_13/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY! It's been awhile since I PWP-ed, so I hope it's an enjoyable experience for everyone.

Bobbie was shocked when she opened the door to her hotel room and found Chrisjen Avasarala there. Granted, Chrisjen had taken a few steps to try to hide her identity. Instead of her colorful saris, she wore something more Martian in gray pants and a leather jacket and pulled her hair back into a simple ponytail. “What are you doing here?” Bobbie hissed as she pulled her into the room.

Chrisjen gave her a sour look. “It’s nice to see you, too.”

Bobbie crossed her arms as Chrisjen looked around, taking the room in. She felt relieved that she never lost her military orderliness and cleanliness the MMC drilled into her, since the Earther’s gaze made her feel like her bunk was under inspection again. Which was ridiculous because Chrisjen wasn’t her commanding officer. She was also clearly ignoring Bobbie’s question. Rolling her eyes, Bobbie tried again. “Do I need to get ready for a shitload of police coming through the door asking me why the former UN Secretary General is here?”

Chrisjen smirked. “She’s not here.” Bobbie scoffed. “I still have friends in the UN Intelligence community.” She reached into her jacket pocket and handed Bobbie her handheld.

Bobbie looked at the ID displayed. Of course it was all official and Chrisjen did look a bit different wearing plain clothing with her hair down. But. “OK, Maria Singh,” she said with heavy sarcasm. “How do you explain that you both look and sound remarkably similar to Chrisjen Avasarala?”

Chrisjen held out her hand and Bobbie gave her the handheld back. Chrisjen changed her posture towards something looser and open. When she spoke, gone was her low, gravelly voice with its familiar accent. Instead, with a voice half an octave higher and an accent that newsreaders used on Earth, she replied, “People oftentimes mistake me for the Secretary General but I’m not. Didn’t even vote for her.”

Bobbie doubted that her handheld’s trick was very convincing to Mars planetary security. But no one had burst in through the door yet. Her face must have betrayed her skepticism because Chrisjen pulled out a small silver object from her other pocket and said in her own voice, “Fucking relax. I have a state of the art jamming device. From my friends.” She placed it on the frame of the screen nearest to her.

Now that they had gone several minutes without being swarmed by cops or security, Bobbie allowed herself to relax slightly. Probably just one more part of Mars that was falling into neglect. She sat at the foot of the bed and returned to her original question. “Why are you here?”

Chrisjen walked toward her, until she stood between Bobbie’s legs. “I wanted to see you,” she said, her eyes softening.

Bobbie resisted touching her. “You could have sent a message.”

“But then I couldn’t have done this,” Chrisjen said as she brought her hands up to Bobbie’s face and kissed her slowly. Bobbie found her worries about being found like this by the police were shoved to the back of her mind as Chrisjen opened her mouth and Bobbie’s hands found her waist.

Then Chrisjen surprised her. Instead of doing what she normally did, which would have been an attempt to take control and shove Bobbie backwards on the bed, Chrisjen pulled away. “What’s wrong?” Bobbie asked, concerned.

Chrisjen paused. Bobbie could see an internal argument flitting across her face, which reassured Bobbie. If Chrisjen wanted something dangerous or that would change the universe’s balance of power, not a sliver of doubt would show on her face. Bobbie waited patiently, rubbing her thumbs back and forth on the other woman’s hip bones.

“I need you to do something for me,” she answered. 

Bobbie thought about making a smartass remark about her no longer being Secretary General, but the look on Chrisjen’s face made her keep her mouth shut. Whatever it was, it was something Chrisjen desperately needed and something she was struggling with asking. “Anything. You know that,” Bobbie replied softly.

Chrisjen stiffened. “No, I fucking don’t.” Clearly, Bobbie’s rejection of her job offer months ago still rankled. Bobbie hoped what Chrisjen needed wasn’t an explanation of that night. The only answer she could provide was a mixture of wounded pride and loyalty to a dead dream. Chrisjen sighed and shook her head. “I am so fucking tired of being in charge, of being in control. And god knows, within a few weeks Nancy Gao will call me up to fix some goddamn mess. But in the mean time, I need you, Bobbie, to take that control away from me, just for tonight. I need you to take it away from me. I need you to fuck me senseless, to fuck me where all I can do is catch my breath, let alone think.”

And fuck, the image of Chrisjen below her, flushed and sweaty and panting, trusting her completely, not only turned Bobbie on, but made her wonder at the depth of Chrisjen’s trust in her. But first, she needed to be sure. “You want this? You want to give up control, do what I tell you?”

“Yes.” Chrisjen paused, bit her lip. “As much as I can. I am me. Sometimes, you may have to make me.”

Bobbie grinned, pulling her closer. “I think I can handle that. But you’ll need to talk to me. Tell me if you need me to stop.”

Chrisjen nodded, leaned down and kissed Bobbie. She could sense that for as much as Chrisjen wanted to give up control, it was something that would be difficult for her. With a nip at Bobbie’s bottom lip, she pulled away and looked her directly in the eyes. “I’ll keep it fucking simple. I’ll say, ‘Enough, Bobbie.’”

“OK.” Bobbie took a deep breath. “Ready?”

“Fuck yes.”

It was best to start with something simple. Chrisjen’s request added a new dynamic to their relationship. Their relationship was that of equals, as absurd as that could sound to others. Bobbie was physically powerful and Chrisjen politically, but those things had always been complimentary. Bobbie didn’t want to upset that balance but wondered just how far she’d be able to push Chrisjen tonight. She was always telling her that Bobbie wouldn’t break her. “Take off my shirt and kiss me,” Bobbie ordered.

Bobbie could see a release of tension in Chrisjen’s shoulders. She slowly lowered the zipper on Bobbie’s top, slipping it off her shoulders as she kissed her again. Bobbie loved to kiss Chrisjen, but too rarely was it this slow and languid. She lost herself in it, the feel of Chrisjen’s lips against hers, the taste of her mouth. She forgot about control until she felt Chrisjen playing with the straps of her bra. She broke the kiss. “No,” she said, gently pushing Chrisjen away from her as she stood up. “I’m in charge, remember?”

Bobbie placed fleeting, soft kisses on Chrisjen’s jaw and neck as she removed her leather jacket. Finding a simple, but no doubt ridiculously expensive, black button down shirt underneath, Bobbie decided to test the limits of her control. She brought both hands up to the collar and pulled. Chrisjen gasped sharply as the shirt tore, buttons scattering across the room.

Bobbie took in the sight of Chrisjen, her face full of shock, irritation and lust, her black lace bra visible as the wrecked shirt gaped open. Chrisjen opened her mouth to say something, but Bobbie kissed her, hard, pulling the remains of the shirt off of her. She moved them toward the wall, one hand buried in Chrisjen’s hair and the other traveling up her stomach to caress her breast.

As they neared the wall, Bobbie broke the kiss and quickly turned Chrisjen around. To keep her balance, Chrisjen placed her palms against the wall. Bobbie brought both her hands to the other woman’s breasts, roughly kneading them, as she placed kisses and bites on Chrisjen’s neck and shoulders. Chrisjen moaned and leaned into Bobbie. Annoyed that the bra was hinderance, Bobbie quickly removed it before sharply pinching one of Chrisjen’s nipples. “Fuck,” Chrisjen hissed, her head falling backwards.

Bobbie shifted her weight so that one of her legs was between Chrisjen’s. As she continued her rough caresses, Chrisjen ground down on her thigh. Bobbie smiled as she placed a kiss on Chrisjen’s shoulder. “Missed me?”

“Yes,” Chrisjen hissed, bearing down as Bobbie pinched her nipple again.

Bobbie thought that she should stop Chrisjen, that she hadn’t allowed her to do this, but it was a rush that this woman, who kept herself in control through assassination attempts and the radical transformation of the universe, was so desperate she was coming undone in front of her by just rubbing against her leg. Wanting to help her along, Bobbie reached down and unfastened Chrisjen’s pants. As she slid her hand down into her underwear, the angle was awkward, but the whimper Chrisjen let out as Bobbie’s hand found the right spot made up for any discomfort. As Bobbie scraped her teeth at the juncture where Chrisjen’s neck met her spine, she let out a small gasp as she came against Bobbie’s hand.

Bobbie pulled the other woman against herself and held her tightly as her breathing calmed. She had missed this, had missed Chrisjen and her body’s reaction to her, had missed how powerful it was to render this woman speechless.

“You still awake?” Chrisjen asked. Well, almost speechless.

Bobbie rolled her eyes and let her go. “Strip. Then get on the bed.”

Bobbie watched Chrisjen remove the rest of her clothing. Jesus. It had been too long since she had seen this woman naked. She felt the heat grow in her belly as Chrisjen got on the bed and reclined on her elbows. Making sure to look Bobbie right in the eyes, she jutted her chin out and slowly brought her knees up, then deliberately let her legs fall open. Bobbie swallowed hard. What was in front of her was the image she used, drunk and lonely, to get herself off in her brother’s apartment, biting down on her hand to muffle the sound when she came. 

Fine. She’d give Chrisjen a little show, too. She saw Chrisjen lick her lips as she removed her bra. She took her time removing her boots and her pants, and when she stood up, clad only in her underwear, she found Chrisjen had moved her hand between her legs. Bobbie moved over to the bed, grasping Chrisjen’s wrist. “Hey, I didn’t say you could do that.” When she placed Chrisjen’s fingers in her mouth, the she inhaled sharply. Bobbie sucked each finger clean, never breaking eye contact.

Bobbie laid down next to Chrisjen in bed and softly traced the lines of her face with her fingers. She probably was failing Chrisjen’s request with these moments of tenderness, but fuck, she had barely seen the other woman, let alone touched her over many months. And with both of them no longer responsible to anyone but each other, they had something they had never had before: time. She felt Chrisjen lean into her touch but saw the impatience in her eyes. She’d just have to wait. After the franticness of the beginning of the night, Bobbie was going to take her time.

Bobbie gently pulled out the elastic holding Chrisjen’s ponytail and buried her hand in her hair. With her other hand, she pulled Chrisjen closer. She leaned her forehead against the other woman’s, making her wait, until her fidgeting stopped, until she licked her lips and just breathed while Bobbie ran her fingers through her hair at her temple. Bobbie leaned in and kissed her, softly, tenderly and her hand wandered down the other woman’s side. Chrisjen wanted to deepen the kiss, but Bobbie pulled away, until she acquiesced to the slow and gentle pace. Bobbie wanted to do nothing for now but kiss her until her lips were swollen from kisses like those godawful romance novels that she and her friends read when they were twelve said.

Still kissing her, Bobbie gently pushed Chrisjen onto her back and settled herself on top of her. The feel of her skin against hers made Chrisjen sharply intake her breath as her hips tried to find friction against Bobbie’s legs. Bobbie smiled as she kissed her way up Chrisjen’s jaw. “I plan on taking my time,” she murmured against her ear.

Uncharacteristically, Chrisjen merely murmured as Bobbie placed open-mouth kisses down the side of her neck. Bobbie’s worries about her passivity fled as the soft nip she placed where her neck met her throat brought Chrisjen’s hands to Bobbie’s hair. As Bobbie’s mouth moved lower to Chrisjen’s sternum, she grasped the other woman’s hands and gently pushed them to the bed again. “No,” she murmured against Chrisjen’s skin.

Bobbie brought her mouth to Chrisjen’s breast, kissing and licking, slowly moving towards her nipple. She felt Chrisjen’s hips try to move under her body. When she captured the nipple in her lips, Chrisjen let out a long, low “fuck.” When she scraped her teeth against it, Chrisjen began to fight against the grip Bobbie had her wrists in. “Christ, Bobbie,” she gritted out.

Bobbie moved her mouth away and smiled up at Chrisjen with exaggerated innocence. “Is there something you want to say?” 

Defiance flashed in Chrisjen’s eyes. “No.”

She moved towards Chrisjen’s other breast and continued to take her time exploring Chrisjen’s reactions and seeking out those spots that she knew caused her to gasp or moan. She loved the softness of Chrisjen’s skin and wished she could let go of Chrisjen’s wrists long enough to caress it with her hands. But experience had taught her that an unrestrained Chrisjen would be shoving her downward. But tonight, she was in charge and she was taking her time. Chrisjen gasped, squirmed, and cursed her, until finally, she pleaded with Bobbie. “Fucking please, Bobbie.”

Bobbie relented, kissing her way along her stomach, damp with sweat. She placed a kiss below her belly button, before moving between her legs. With the first swipe of her tongue against her, Chrisjen’s hips lifted from the bed. Bobbie had to let go of Chrisjen’s wrists to grasp her hips as she continued. She felt Chrisjen’s thighs tense under her hands as her tongue came closer to her clit. When she swiped it with a few broad licks, Chrisjen let out a moan and buried her hand in Bobbie’s hair and attempted to move Bobbie where she wanted her.

Bobbie pulled away and Chrisjen actually whimpered. Bobbie grasped Chrisjen’s wrists again as she moved up her body again. She contemplated attempting to sit on Chrisjen’s face, but rejected that since Chrisjen would probably use it to gain the upper hand. “No, Chrisjen. Not tonight,” Bobbie said before kissing Chrisjen hard. 

Chrisjen responded eagerly, desperately. Christ, she wanted to get back between Chrisjen’s legs almost as much as Chrisjen did. But. She nipped at Chrisjen’s lower lip and broke the kiss. 

“You.” A kiss to Chrisjen’s chin. 

“Are.” She licked the hollow of her throat, tasting the salt of the sweat there.

“Not.” A kiss to the valley of her breasts.

“In.” An open-mouthed kiss to her stomach.

“Charge.” With that, Bobbie brought her mouth to where Chrisjen wanted it. 

Chrisjen rolled her hips and brought her hands to her breasts. Bobbie allowed that because fuck, it made her feel powerful, that her touch drove Chrisjen to touch herself. She felt every moan travel down her spine. She loved how Chrisjen’s was so responsive. When she flicked her tongue over her clit, her thighs twitched. When she inserted her fingers, Chrisjen’s heels dug into the bed and one of her hands reached out and curled in the bedsheets. Bobbie focused on finding the right rhythm, the right pressure. She may have thrust her fingers a little harder, a little rougher than usual, but judging by chant of “fuck” falling from Chrisjen’s lips, she had no complaints. She felt Chrisjen grow tighter around her, her breathing grow more shallow, her hips thrusting to get closer to Bobbie’s mouth. Bobbie sucked Chrisjen’s clit into her mouth and she came with a strangled cry. Bobbie kept her mouth on Chrisjen, until Chrisjen tried to pull away.

“Please, Bobbie. I fucking can’t - “

Bobbie gave her one more lick and let go of her hips. Chrisjen rolled onto her side, moving away. Bobbie thought she could still see tremors going through the other woman’s legs. Pleased with herself, Bobbie kissed the path of Chrisjen’s spine until she curled herself around Chrisjen, one arm around her waist.

Chrisjen craned her head and although the angle was awkward and uncomfortable, kissed Bobbie. It was uncoordinated, but the kiss seemed to provide Chrisjen with the grounding she needed. She settled against Bobbie with a satisfied sigh, as Bobbie ran her hand softly over her arm and stomach. They laid like that for awhile, the only sound the air recycling.

As time went by, Bobbie realized that Chrisjen had not told her to stop yet. She changed the pressure of her caresses to be more demanding. As Chrisjen began to respond, she cupped one of her breasts in her hand. “Fuck, Bobbie. I can’t,” Chrisjen groaned.

“Can’t? Or won’t?” Bobbie asked, rolling the nipple between her fingers. “You just have to say - “

“I very well know what I have to say,” Chrisjen responded, her hips pressing back against Bobbie.

Bobbie grinned against Chrisjen’s shoulder. Taking that as permission, she trailed her hand down Chrisjen’s stomach and between her legs. Chrisjen sucked in her breath and hooked her leg against Bobbie’s as her hand explored. Bobbie slowly teased Chrisjen, feeling her breathing speed up as her fingers advanced and retreated from her clit.

“Bobbie,” Chrisjen said, her voice thick with want. “Bobbie.”

Listening to the plea in Chrisjen’s voice, Bobbie no longer wanted to tease. She wanted to feel Chrisjen come undone along the length of her body. She wanted, fuck it was corny, she wanted to hold her through her orgasm and then after. To let her know that she would always be there and would not let go. Bobbie brought her fingers to circle Chrisjen’s clit with a slow, steady pressure. 

She felt Chrisjen’s body stiffen against her own and kept up the steady motion. Chrisjen’s hand reached backward and grabbed the Martian’s ass as she as she gasped out, “Bobbie.”

Bobbie placed a kiss on Chrisjen’s neck. “It’s OK. I’m right here. Just let go. I’ve got you.”

Chrisjen nodded and licked her lips. Bobbie felt her body get tighter and tighter, until the other woman’s breath hitched and she shuddered against her. Bobbie kept her hand moving between Chrisjen’s legs until she finally gasped out, “Enough, Bobbie. Enough.”

Bobbie held Chrisjen close. When she had regained her breath, Chrisjen turned in Bobbie’s arms and kissed her softly, deeply. Bobbie could feel her exhaustion and contentment. “Thank you,” Chrisjen whispered against Bobbie’s lips.

“Always,” Bobbie said, shivering as Chrisjen’s hand made its way down her stomach and pulled on the waistband of her underwear. Bobbie lifted her hips and helped Chrisjen remove them. She was so wet and turned on and would have been embarrassed at how quickly she came against Chrisjen’s hand if not for how relieved she was. 

Bobbie rolled onto her back, pulling Chrisjen to lay on top of her. She tucked Chrisjen’s head under her chin and fell into a contented sleep.

*

Bobbie woke to a muffled curse and the sound of the closet’s partition closing. She found Chrisjen putting on an old Mars A&T sweatshirt she had stolen from one of her brothers. It was large on Bobbie but Chrisjen was swimming in it. “What’s wrong?” Bobbie asked.

She could see Chrisjen shivering. “This fucking planet is so cold. I’m always cold here. I’d have put on my shirt but somebody destroyed it.”

Bobbie grinned as she shifted to get under the covers. “I heard no complaints.” She held open the covers to entice Chrisjen back to bed.

Chrisjen rolled her eyes and joined Bobbie. “For that,” she said, putting her feet against Bobbie’s bare legs. They felt like ice.

“You really are cold,” Bobbie said, curling around the other woman. She held Chrisjen until she stopped shivering.

“Why are you here, Bobbie? I mean, why are you in this hotel and not one of the many apartments available now that the ring gates are open?” Chrisjen asked.

Bobbie didn’t want to talk about the internal war she was waging, her fear for Mars’ future and her doubts if she had a place in it. “Why are you here? It’s not like you to run away from problems.”

She felt Chrisjen stiffen in her arms. She supposed Chrisjen had the same doubts and fears about Earth’s future and her own place in it. After a few moments of silence, Bobbie came to a decision. “Am I still in charge for now?”

“Depends.”

Bobbie smiled. “Then sleep. Tomorrow, we can deal with this shit.”

Chrisjen nodded and relaxed against her. Bobbie pressed a kiss to her head and they both put off the problems of the universe for a few more hours.


End file.
